shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
