I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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