Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
