PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I touched a dick in church today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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