Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
