Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
