...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
