He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
