You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
