when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
