I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
