I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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