I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize