he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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