i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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