why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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