I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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