Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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