I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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