He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
