AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
