just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
