I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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