Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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