Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
