Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
