It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
