just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
