Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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