I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
