You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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