ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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