how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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