I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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