***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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