I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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