That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
