You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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