I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
