I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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