Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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