Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
