The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Randomize
