if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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