Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
