Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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