I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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