No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
