Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
