My hair reeks of homosexuality.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
