I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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