she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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