apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
