Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm too high and old for this...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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