I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
