Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize