why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
