Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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