did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
