yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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