He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
