Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize