sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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