Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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