just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And then my night got REAL pukey
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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