you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
