So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
