I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
