ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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