I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
