So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize