does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
