whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
