dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
