Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
