Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
