things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are the jesus of drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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