We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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