Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
