so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize